"BAD BRIDES" AND THE STUPID THINGS THEY DO

ALL YOU FUTURE BRIDES TAKE NOTE!:

DON"T WRITE YOUR OWN VOWS

It's embarrassing and stupid and self indulgent. If you two have all kinds of mushy things to say to each other, say it in private.

"For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others as long as you both shall live." has been said for hundreds of years and sounds pretty good to me. Believe me we really don't care that you are "best friends" and can't wait to "travel through life together"

yadda yadda

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE LIQUOR AND LOTS OF IT!!

We don't care if you or your husband are "recovering". Your guests want alcohol and you better give it to them. Even if it's only wine and beer. Just don't run out.

SAME GOES FOR VEGETARIANS! If there is nothing on the menu you can eat than don't fucking eat! Most Brides and grooms don't eat much anyway.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PUBLIC MAY I PRESENT "MR. AND

MRS. SO AND SO!!"

This is so ridiculous. We know you just got married. We were there, remember?

YOUR "WEDDING WEBSITE" IS A HUGE WASTE OF CYBER SPACE

Who the hell thought this up? Don't you have better things to do with your time. Like hiring a band, DJ, caterer etc.

WEDDING PROGRAMS

This is not a Broadway show.

DON"T TAKE OFF YOUR VEIL FOR THE RECEPTION

How many times in your life do you get to wear a veil and look like a bride (one other time if your Catholic). Com'on look like "THE BRIDE" All the little girls at your wedding will worship you. Which brings me to:

"NO CHILDREN ALLOWED" WEDDINGS

Kids are fun. You never know what they will say or do next. Imagine all those little girls "dancin' on Daddy's shoes" and all those little boys sticking their fingers in you wedding cake. This is what makes great memories.

BRIDAL REGISTRIES

I'm not saying you shouldn't register. You definitely should. Just don't advertise it. Bridal registries are for guests that don't know you that well or have no imagination. Don't worry, they'll ask your mother or somebody else. When I registered at Macys for my wedding the saleswomen asked for my guest list so she could send out cards to all my guests. I told her in so many word that she was" out of her fucking mind."

STUPID WEDDING FAVORS WITH YOUR NAMES AND DATE

We don't want theses. REALLY! we don't.Well maybe your Grandma does.

Thats it for now. I'm sure I'll think of more though.